Places Donald Trump could have been on safe ground calling, “SH-THOLES!”
  • The President called Haiti and several African nations, “Sh-thole countries.” I heard it on TV today 100 times, and that was just on the Weather Channel! Liberal commentators immediately capitalized, making proclamations such as, “the comments were divisive, unkind, elitist and fly in the face of our nation’s values…an apology must be made to the nations he so viciously maligned!” Conservative adamants immediately shot back stuff like, “It wasn’t Presidential, but it’s true! They’re gang-infested, crime-ridden, poverty stricken wastelands whose governments are so corrupt they shouldn’t even be running a hot dog stand, much less and country!” And then, the clambake was really on as both sides made their cases, clearly showing one man’s terrorist is another person’s freedom fighter.

    Donald Trump no doubt caused a firestorm, but if he wanted to take a politically expedient stand on an newsworthy issue, he should have directed his barbs at the landscape of college athletics, where all kinds of indisputable “SH-THOLES” have sprouted over the past year. He could make all kinds of festive abuse in that arena without worrying about any rebuttals from liberals, assuming liberals understand that truth is an absolute defense against libel.

    Pitt coach Kevin Stallings may have gotten the ball rolling here, when some rambunctious Louisville fans started hassling his players. Stallings told them, “At least we don’t pay our players $100.000!” Former Louisville coach Rick Pitino responded by calling Stallings a “jackass.” But Rifle Rick better keep his power dry and get used to it, because in the ACC, where fans are more passionate about their teams than they are their stock portfolios, this sort of stuff is no doubt just beginning. The age of insult comedy may be on its biggest rise since Don Rickles became a headline performer in Vegas.  With that in mind, here are some things Stallings could have said to the Louisville fans:

    “At least we don’t bring strippers to our dorms, like that SH-THOLE Louisville!”

    LOUISVILLE, KENTUCKY–Brietbart News is reporting today that University of Pittsburgh basketball coach Kevin Stallings, confronting Louisville Cardinal fans after a loss to the Cardinals at the YUM Center, stated, “At least we don’t bring strippers to our dorms, like that SH-HOLE Louisville.”

    “This was no doubt in reference to a book written by Katina Powell, who claimed she arranged numerous strip shows for Louisville basketball recruits,” said the far-right website creator Andrew Brietbart. “Evidently Kevin felt the Louisville fans were making derogatory remarks and he wanted to remind them that he who lives in glass houses should not throw stones!”

    “The SH-THOLE remark was uncalled for,” said former United States Attorney General Loretta Lynch, whom Brietbart erroneously reported on in the past. “That clearly is a takeoff on something Donald Trump said in reference to some foreign countries and the reference was completely out of line.”

    “If we brought strippers to our dorm, we would make sure they are of legal age, unlike that SH-THOLE Louisville!”

    LOUISVILLE, KENTUCKY–The Drudge Report is reporting tonight University of Pittsburgh basketball coach Kevin Stallings responded to some criticism of his team’s loss to Louisville, by telling some Louisville fans, “As least if we brought strippers to our dorms, we would make sure they are of legal age, unlike that SH-THOLE Louisville!”

    “There is a very good chance he was getting this information from a book written by Katina Powell, who claimed she not only brought strippers in to perform for the Louisville basketball recruits, but that some of them were actually not of legal age to do so,” said Matt Drudge owner of the controversial right-wing, website. “Kevin’s remarks have not been proven inaccurate, but we are still trying to get an accurate head count of how many of the strippers were underage.”

    “The SH-THOLE reference was not needed,” said former White House intern Monica Lewinsky, whose “inappropriate relationship” with Bill Clinton was first reported in the Drudge Report. “Stallings is just saying Donald Trump type witticisms so those goofballs on the right will think he is as cool at The Donald.”

    “At least we don’t bring call girls to our dorm, like that SH-THOLE Louisville.”

    LOUISVILLE, KENTUCKY–The Gateway Pundit has reported this evening that several Louisville basketball fans are on the record as saying University of Pittsburgh coach Kevin Stallings told them, “At least we don’t bring call girls to our dorm, like that SH-THOLE Louisville!” Stallings allegedly made the remark during a confrontation with the fans following Pitts’ loss to Louisville two nights ago.

    “We are currently checking into this one,” said special contributor Sean Hannity, who reported the story for the right-wing website. “We don’t want to be inaccurate on this one like we were on the Las Vegas shooter or Hillary Clinton’s health. But it does appear as if Kevin, in a fit of rage did indeed say this.”

    “He was no doubt quoting from a best-selling book by Katina Powell about prostitution in the athletic dorm at Louisville,” said Sarah Palin, who helped research the story with Hannity. “Katina wrote a real whopper about how Rick Pitino hires assistants to hire call girls to service the incoming recruits at Louisville. Needless to say Pitino acted like the Democrats acted when we reported voter fraud in southern California.”

    “If we brought call girls to our dorm, we would make sure they are of legal age, unlike that SH-THOLE Louisville!”

    LOUISVILLE, KENTUCKY–The Blaze has been reporting this week that University of Pittsburgh head basketball coach Kevin Stallings taunted several Louisville fans by telling them, “At least if we brought call girls to our dorm, we would make sure they are of legal age, unlike that SH-THOLE Louisville.”

    Stallings said his remarks came following the Panthers’ recent loss at Louisville, in which Louisville fans started harassing Panther players of their poor performance. “Kevin was very upset, and immediately referenced some information I’m sure he heard from Katina Powell, about how she not only procured prostitutes for Louisville recruits, several were underage,” said Glenn Beck, founder of the conservative website.

    “Glenn Beck is nothing but a card-carrying jackass.” said former Louisville coach Rick Pitino.

    “I’ll second that,” said former Blaze commentator Tomi Lahren, who was fired by Beck for her public opinions on abortion.

    “At least our fans don’t have to hold pep rallies to try to justify our integrity, like that SH-THOLE Louisville!”

    LOUISIVLLE, KENTUCKY–PJ Media is reporting that dozens of Louisville basketball fans heard Pittsburgh Panther coach Kevin Stallings scold them after their game with Pitt, telling them, “At least our fans don’t have to hold pep rallies to try to justify our integrity like that SH-THOLE Louisville!”

    “Our reporting was actually much more in-depth than that,” said PJ Media founder Aubrey Chernick. “We pointed out these Louisville fans were hassling the Pitt players, so Kevin decided to give them a dose of their own medicine, and remind them of some of the problems they’ve had at Louisville, ranging from prostitution to stripping to under-the-table payments. And Kevin had a point!”

    “Aubrey Chernick is nothing by a card-carrying jackass,’ said former Louisville coach Rick Pitino.

    Pitino added that Chernick is sure a rich jackass, being a technology entrepreneur billionaire whose net worth is estimated at 750 million dollars.

    “Do you pay your players with Gold Bars at that SH-THOLE Louisville?”

    LOUISIVLLE, KENTUCKY–Oliver L. North, a political commentator on Fox News and retired marine lieutenant colonel who coordinated the “arms for hostages” for the Reagan White House, is reporting tonight that University of Pittsburgh head basketball coach Kevin Stallings asked some Louisville fans after the game, “Do you pay your players with Gold Bars at that SH-THOLE Louisville?”

    “Kevin was no doubt referring to the arms for hostages, er, um, I mean, players for Adidas money the federal government is contending Louisville was involved with,” said North. North noted that Pitino has sued Adidas for emotional stress, alleging the giant sports apparel company damaged his reputation.

    North said he felt the Louisville scandal was not as bad as Iran Contra but may be worse than Benghazi.  “People like Ronald Reagan, Robert McFarlane and Casper Weinberger were pikers at a bingo parlor compared to Rick Pitino and Tom Jurich,” said North.

    “At least Karen Sypher doesn’t extort our coaches, like that SH-THOLE Louisville!”

    LOUISVILLE, KENTUCKY–Former Breitbart executive chairman Steve Bannon, through spokesperson Kellyanne Conway, has released a statement tonight claiming the right-wing website will be reporting that University of Pittsburgh basketball coach Kevin Stallings actually looked at some Louisville fans after the Panthers game with the Cards last week and said, “At least Karen Sypher doesn’t extort our coaches, like that SH-THOLE Louisville!”

    “Kevin may have been frustrated and talked a little out of school,” said Conway. “He was annoyed the Louisville fans were heckling his players, so, in an effort to shut them up, he brought up the Karen Sypher incident. And while he might not have been talking very Presidential, his information was accurate.”

    Conway pointed out that Sypher was indeed convicted of extorting former Cardinal coach Rick Pitino, which emanated when Pitino laid the lumber to Sypher on the tabletop of an Italian restaurant in Lexington.

    Now, in the same spirit, with all the recent corruption in college athletics, could you imagine the stockpile of ammunition the president would have, and how he could respond to any critics who take him to task? With that in mind, here are some lovely items he could use:

    “At least our opposing fans don’t wear FBI shirts, like the opposing fans of that SH-THOLE Louisville!”

    WASHINGTON, D.C.–The White House has responded to a report in the New York Times today which claims President Donald Trump’s relationship with senate majority leader Mitch McConnell (R-Kentucky) is so cold, the two don’t even speak anymore.

    In addressing the media today, White House spokesman Sarah Huckabee Sanders said, “All the president has to say to that, is at least our opposing fans don’t wear FBI shirts, like the opposing fans of that SH-THOLE Louiisville!”

    “It doesn’t surprise me he would say something like that,” said actor George Clooney. “Instead of addressing the issue, Trump is making light of the fact that McConnell is a Louisville grad who really roots for the Cardinals, and he has to be devastated by the fact the FBI has investigated the Louisville basketball team, and found Rick Pitino likes to get shoe companies to give his guys thousands of dollars under the table, and the Purdue students had some fun with this by wearing FBI shirts to their game with Louisville.”

    “At least our coaches don’t give Marcus Camby bags of cash, like the coach of that SH-THOLE Kentucky!”

    WASHINGTON, D.C.-President Donald Trump has responded to some criticism from senate majority leader Mitch McConnell (R-Kentucky) who was quoted in the New York Times this week expressing doubt Trump can salvage his administration after a series of untimely resignations.

    At today’s press gathering, White House press secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders said, “All the president has to say to that, is at least our coaches don’t give Marcus Camby bags of cash, like the coach of that SH-THOLE Kentucky!”

    “A very cheap shot a several people,” said actress Susan Sarandon. “Trump knows that Mitch McConnell got his law degree from the University of Kentucky. He knows the Kentucky coach, when he was at Massachusetts, did get his team on NCAA probation by giving bags of cash to star forward Marcus Camby. But it has never been proven the coach ever knew anything about it. A booster admitted to giving the player the cash, but so far as we know, Coach Cal had no inkling of what was going on! So Trump is going to capitalize on it to make McConnell look silly.”

    “We may call our journalists ‘fake news’ but at least we don’t call them ‘Mexican Idiots’ like the coach of that SH-THOLE Kentucky!”

    WASHINGTON, D.C.–President Donald Trump has responded to some criticism from senate majority leader Mitch McConnell (R-Kentucky) who was quoted in the New York Times today as saying he has doubts the Republicans can push through an elaborate rewrite of the tax code with Trump as president.

    “All the president has to say to that, is we may call our journalists ‘fake news’ but at least we don’t call them “Mexican Idiots’ like the coach of that SH-THOLE Kentucky!” said White House press secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders.

    “It’s crazy people like this president,” said actor Robert DiNiro. “What he’s getting at, of course, is that while Kentucky coach John Calipari was with the New York Nets, he did call Dan Garcia, the beat writer from the Newark Star-Ledger, a ‘Mexican Idiot.’ But he apologized. And Trump wants to point out that Calipari is now coaching at Mitch’s beloved University of Kentucky, the place he got his law degree from and the major state university of the state he now represents. Totally cheap shot stuff!”

    “At least our football coaches don’t wonder around in public in their underwear like that SH-THOLE Arizona!”

    WASHINGTON, D.C.–President Donald Trump today responded to some remarks from Arizona senator Jeff Flake who was highly critical of Trump’s hostile relationship with the media.

    “All the president had to say, is that at least our football coaches don’t wonder around in public in their underwear like that SH-THOLE Arizona!” said White House press secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders.

    “This was no doubt an attempt by Trump to deflect from the issues by pointing out former Arizona Wildcat football coach Rich Rodriquez was accused in a lawsuit of walking around the Wildcat football office in his underwear,” said Huffington Post founder Arianna Huffington.

    “We admit Rich Rod should have used better judgement, maybe put a towel around his waist or something, but that doesn’t change my position on Trump’s poor relationship with the media,” said Flake.

    “At least our football coaches don’t start goofy love triangles around the office like that SH-THOLE Arizona!”

    WASHINGTON, D.C.–The White House today responded to some criticism from Arizona senator Jeff Flake who claims president Donald Trump has divided the Republican Party.

    “All the president had to say, is at least our football coaches don’t start goofy love triangles around the office like that SH-THOLE Arizona,” said White House press secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders.

    “The president is no doubt deflecting the issue and running from the truth by bringing up the recent problems at the University of  Arizona, where Rich Rod has been accused of ordering his secretary to make accommodations for his mistress while hiding it all from his wife,” said CNN White House correspondent Jim Acosta. “The President undermines college football in an effort to hide his own incompetence.”

    “You would think he would have better things to do than worry about me cavorting about the athletic complex in my underwear,” said Rich Rod.

    “At least our administration doesn’t withdraw coaching offers based on the social media, like that SH-THOLE Tennessee!”

    WASHINGTON, D.C.–The White House has responded to some criticism from Tennessee senator Bob Corker, who claims President Donald Trump is an “utterly untruthful” president.

    “All the president had to say, is that at least our administration doesn’t withdraw coaching offers based on the social media, like that SH-THOLE Tennessee,” said White House press secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders.

    “The president is running from the truth by bringing up that fact that Tennessee caught some grief when it rescinded a coaching offer to Ohio State assistant Greg Schiano based on the reaction it got from social media,” said HBO talk show host Bill Maher. “And he shouldn’t be concerning himself with college football when their are some crucial issues are at stake.”

    Schiano, through a spokesperson, said he agreed with Trump that Tennessee sure is a sh-thole.

    “A third-world civilization,” is what Sanders said the president would call any place where Bob Corker is from.

    “At least our guys don’t shoplift on overseas trips, like that SH-THOLE UCLA!”

    WASHINGTON, D.C.–President Donald Trump has released a statement in the face of some severe criticism he has received from California governor Jerry Brown, who has been highly critical of Trump’s positions on both immigration and the environment.

    “All the president had to say, is at least our guys don’t shoplift on overseas trips, like that SH-THOLE UCLA,” said White House press secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders. “Could you imagine how embarrassing it would be for this administration if we took a trip abroad, and Melania or Ivanka were caught red handed shoplifting perfume from a department store.”

    “The Trump administration is no doubt calling into play an incident in China, where one of LaVar Ball’s goofy sons was caught shoplifting sunglass in a Chinese department  store,” said CNN’s Jeff Zucker. “An incredibly cheap shot because he doesn’t know all the details.”

    “I know this, you never used to see John Wooden’s teams go on the road and have people like Lew Alcindor or Bill Walton arrested for shoplifting,” said Trump. “With Sam Gilbert around they sure didn’t have to!!!!!”

    “At least we don’t have paper classes in our curriculum, like that SH-THOLE North Carolina!”

    WASHGINTON, D.C.–The Oval Office has responded to a tweet from North Carolina coach Roy Williams who said earlier today that, “The President tweets out more bulls–t than anyone I know.”

    White House press secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders commented today, “All the president has to say to that is at least we don’t have paper classes in our curriculum, like that SH-THOLE North Carolina!”

    “I knew that was coming,” said Washington Post reporter Carl Bernstein. “The first peep out of anyone from North Carolina cutting down Trump was going to be devastating, because Trump has a treasure trove of ammunition from that North Carolina paper class scandal, where hundreds of Tar Heel athletes got credit for classes in which they had to do no work.”

    Sanders also said Trump is perplexed how Williams still holds down a job.

    “At least our academic adviser doesn’t admit that 60 percent of us are illiterate, like that SH-THOLE North Carolina!”

    WASHINGTON, D.C.–President Donald Trump has issued a statement in response to a tweet from North Carolina basketball coach Roy Williams who said, “The president tweets out more bulls–t than anyone I know.”

    White House press secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders issued the following statement from Trump, “All the president has to say is a least our academic adviser doesn’t admit that 60 per cent of us are illiterate, like that SH-THOLE North Carolina!”

    “What she (academic adviser Mary Willingham) actually said was 60 per cent of our athletes read at an eight grade level,” said Williams. “So let’s not exaggerate this and let’s be fair about it!”

    “This is once again an attempt by Trump to malign innocent people with misinformation,” said CNN anchor Don Lemon. “And Trump should go build a wall with Mexican and not worry about those outlaws at North Carolina.”

    “At least our former stars don’t admit we never go to class, like that SH-THOLE North Carolina!”

    WASHINGTON, D.C.–Former North Carolina star Rashad McCants found himself in the center of a beltway controversy today, from President Donald Trump made reference to McCant’s academic experience at Chapel Hill. Trump’s remarks were in response to some negative comments made by North Carolina coach Roy Williams towards Trump.

    In response to Williams criticisms, White House press secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders stated, “All the president has to say to Roy Williams is, at least our former stars don’t admit we never go to class, like that SH-THOLE North Carolina.”

    “I never thought I’d live to hear the president of the United States say something like that,” said actress Meryl Streep. “All Trump did was point out that several years ago on ESPN’s Outside the Lines, North Carolina star Rashad McCants did admit he never attended any classes and what academic work he ever did turn in, was done by tutors. Well, what’s wrong with that? Big-time college athletic programs do that all the time! But Trump wants to make it look as if the Tar Heels on the only sh-thole on the hill!”

    “At least our assistant coaches don’t hire attorneys who are also representing El Chapo, like that SH-THOLE USC!”

    WASHINGTON, D.C.–The White House has responded to some sharp criticism from California Democrat Nancy Pelosi who called President Donald Trump a “job loser.”

    At a press conference today, White House press secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders stated, “All the president has to say to that, is at least our coaches don’t hire attorneys who are also representing El Chapo, like that SH-THOLE USC!”

    Trump immediately was taken to task by MSNBC. “Trump is just making light of the fact that one of the basketball coaches arrested by the FBI is USC’s Tony Bland, who immediately retained the services of high powered New York attorney Jefferey Lichtman, who has defended John Gotti Jr. and is currently representing drug kingpin El Chapo Guzmon,” said MSNBA anchor Mika Brzezinski. “And I hope Trump rots in hell for saying this, because if Tony wants to go around taking bribes from sports agents, he ought to be able to do so without listening to any grief from Donald Trump!”

    “At least our school isn’t under FBI investigation, like that SH-THOLE Auburn!”

    WASHINGTON, D.C.–The White House has responded to some sharp criticism from Alabama Democratic voters who were highly elated with the upset to Republican Roy Moore in the Alabama senatorial race.

    “All the president has to say to those Alabama voters, is at least our school isn’t under FBI investigation, like that SH-THOLE Auburn!” said White House press secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders.

    “This really shows what a sore loser the president of our country is,” said MSNBC talk show host Joe Scarbough. “Instead of focusing on the fact that the Republicans have lost a seat in the senate, and what message the voters of America could be sending to Washington, all Trump wants to focus on is the fact that former Auburn player and coach Chuck Person has been arrested by the FBI and charged by the United States Attorney General for the Southern District of New York with six felony counts including bribery, conspiracy, solicitation, conspiracy to commit honest services fraud, wire fraud and violating the travel act conspiracy, and could face up to ninety years in federal prison if convicted on all counts.”

    “At least our football program doesn’t have to vacate wins for academic fraud, like that SH-THOLE Notre Dame!”

    WASHINGTON, D.C.–The White House has released a statement from President Donald Trump in response to criticism he received from University of Notre Dame president John Jenkins, who has been highly critical of the administration’s stance on travel bans and immigration.

    “All the president had to say, is at least our football program doesn’t have to vacate wins for academic fraud, like that SH-THOLE Notre Dame, said White House spokesperson Sarah Huckabee Sanders.

    “The president is clearly drawing an inference to an incident where a student trainer at Notre Dame wrote papers for numerous student athletes,” said Rachel Maddow of MSNBC. “And the president is completely out of line because the university had no knowledge of this and certainly didn’t authorize this trainer to write papers.”

    “Doesn’t matter, it’s still an erosion of Notre Dame standards,” said Trump, “could you imagine Knute Rockne having some nun write papers for George Gipp?”

    “At least we don’t cheat on ACT tests, like that SH-THOLE Ole Miss!”

    WASHINGTON, D.C.–President Donald Trump has responded to some criticism from Mississippi Democrat Bennie Thompson, who claims Trump’s “hurtful policies” and “disparaging comments” have hurt those who have helped make Mississippi a better place.

    “All the president has to say to Thompson, is at least we don’t cheat on ACT tests, like that SH-THOLE Ole Miss,” said White House spokesperson Sarah Huckabee Sanders.

    “Trump is trying to make light of the time several Ole Miss coaches took their recruits to an desolate country school to take their ACTs so they could easily cheat,” said A.G. Sulzberger, publisher of the New York Times. “And if you ask me he should be much more concerned about Russian hackers than who Ole Miss is suiting up!”

    Trump countered that the New York Times should be much more concerned about “knowingly” reporting fake news as opposed to getting into an insignificant debate on whether or not Oxford, Mississippi is or isn’t a SH-THOLE.

    “At least we don’t text biblical passages in the morning than call prostitutes that night, like that SH-THOLE Ole Miss!”

    WASHINGTON, D.C.–President Donald Trump has responded to some criticism from Jackson, Mississippi mayor Chokwe Lumumba who has roundly scolded Trump for “not demonstrating a continuing dedication to the ideals of the Civil Rights Movement.”

    “All the President has to say to Chokwe is, one, where in the hell did you get a name like Chokwe? And two, at least we don’t text biblical passages in the morning, than call prostitutes that might, like that SH-THOLE, Ole Miss!” said White House spokes person Sarah Huckabee Sanders.

    “The Donald is clearly calling into play that time Ole Miss had some yahoo coach who used to text all these poignant religious passages each day, but when he went on the road recruiting, he was calling all these high-end call girl services,” said Democrat Hillary Clinton, who lost to Trump in the most recent presidential election. “And if I worried about stuff like that I’d have walked out on Bill years ago!”

    Clinton added the coach in question just recently interviewed for the OC job at Alabama, so evidently he can’t be too evil a person.





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    January 25th, 2018 | Willie | No Comments |

About The Author

Willie Backer

is an award-winning, veteran writer who has chronicled major news and sports events all across america, and is the author of the brand new book " The Legends Son...and the Ultra-competitive World of Alabama Football.

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